So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
