When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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