when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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