Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
