I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
