Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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