Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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