you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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