guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
