i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
