I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
