how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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