3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
