You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Congratulations! We have a period
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
