Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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