it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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