It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
