Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
