Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize