i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
