I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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