i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
