I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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