i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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