I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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