just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize