don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize