You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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