Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want her autograph on my taint
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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