His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
