So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize