I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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