Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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