kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize