it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
