I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
