I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
