Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
