all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
