Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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