did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
