anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
