areolas are like halos for boobs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
