On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
