oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
