Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
