the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize