Can i not drive my cunt home
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
