Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
