New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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