Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
