Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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