I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
