My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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