Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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