Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
