My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
