I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
