he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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