I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
