Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
