i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You are the jesus of drinking
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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