I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
