you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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