i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
