remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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