The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
